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Learning to Play


I'll never forget how tired I was after my first full week of doing Floortime therapy. Not only was I physically tired, I was mentally exhausted! The amount of energy and effort that it took to remember how to play was astounding and a little bit sad. But the truth was, I had forgotten how to play. 

Parents, I am guessing some, or maybe most, of you feel the same way. Somewhere along the path to adulthood you have forgotten how to play. And now you have little people in your home who are eager to play with you, and maybe they are struggling with it as well. 

This post is meant to be a crash course on play, a refresher on some common play theme ideas to help you and your children get started. 

What are some general things I should know about playing with my child?

  • Get down on their eye level, or sit at a table so you are at the same level
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  • Start with their interests and expand from there.  
  • Don't be afraid to be silly :) 
  • You can either use toys and props OR you can engage in full body play where you pretend to be something else or act out a familiar scenario  
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  • Try creating "playful obstacles" in the play to gain your child's attention. Ex. they are pushing the train through a tunnel and you block the exit of the tunnel.  Remember, the emphasis is on "playful"  - if the child gets angry, it's time to stop!
Is there a general progression of play? 
Yes! 
Dr. Serena Weider outlines the following:

1. Simple actions on objects/cause and effect play: roll a ball, push a car
2. Construction play: build train tracks, blocks, etc. 
3. Actions for yourself or others: feed the doll, give mom "medicine"
4. Symbolic play themes emerge:
  • pretend an object is something other than it is  - a pointer can become a wand
  • give figures/characters life experience 
  • pretend themes from real life (going to school, family vacation)
  • pretend ideas from themes (pirates, Thomas the train, castle and knights)

I have a child who has almost no play ideas. Where do I begin?

Begin with what they know. Children often begin by playing out their life experiences, so ask yourself, what does your child know about? How do they spend their time all day? Here are some common beginning play themes:
  • "Sleep/Wake Up"— Throw out some blankets and pillows, turn off the lights, and pretend to fall asleep with your child. Then, model waking them up with silly sounds or situations. Maybe you are thirsty and need some water. Maybe you heard a dog barking. Maybe you forgot to brush your teeth. Soon, your little one may be waking you up with silly scenarios. Or, if they are not ready for this expansion, just work on pretending to sleep and wake up together.
  • Driving— I'm sure your child is used to spending time in the car. Set up 2-4 chairs in the room and make a driver's seat. Pretend to buckle your seat belt, drive fast or slow, stop and go, and turn on the radio. Think of fun places to "drive" to. Turn your "car" into a "bus" or an "airplane". Drive through the car wash. For children who are more concrete in their thinking you may need to provide visual cues to help them pretend, like using paper plates as wheels and taping them on the chairs. 
  • Eating — Is the food too hot? Too cold? Does it taste good or bad? Should we feed the stuffed animals? Should we pretend to be at a restaurant?
  • Nurture— Help your child pretend to care for something else. Maybe it is a doll or stuffed animal that they hug or kiss. Expand the play to include ideas like: brushing the doll's hair, brushing their teeth, dressing them, bathing them, pushing them in a stroller, putting them down for naps, or feeding them. Pretend that your stuffed animal character is scared and model how to provide comfort. 
  • Doctor/Dentist/Haircutting Appointments—Before your child goes to an appointment that may cause them stress, try playing out the scenario to help them know what to expect. Often you will play it out after as well, as a way to process their feelings and experience. Let them be the doctor/dentist/haircutter as a way to give them control over their fears. 
Throughout all of the above, you want to watch and see what play ideas appeal to YOUR child and then follow this.  While they often need help expanding the play,  remember the point is to get them to do the playing and begin to have ideas.  For example, when you are in the car, ask open-ended questions : Where shall we go?   What is next?

We want the child to become an active participant and eventually lead the play!

Okay, my child can play out simple concepts from real life. What's next?

Now that your child is able to play out some ideas from their life experience, you can expand it in several ways:
  • Expand the sequence of the play themes to 3-5 steps at a time
    • If you were playing sleep/wake up now expand it so that you are playing out a bedtime routine (pjs on, brush teeth, story time, bed time)
  • Add in pretend/imaginative ideas (magic wands, flying cars)
  • Use objects differently than their intended use (ex. use a tissue for a doll's blanket)
  • Play out familiar symbolic themes (fire fighters, camping, super-heros)
What are some common play themes?
I found the following list from a presentation by Tracy Vail, MS, CCC/SLP to be very helpful:

- Nurture and dependency
- Pleasure and excitement
- Curiosity and limit setting
- Power and assertiveness
- Anger and aggression
- Fears and anxieties
- Love, empathy, concern for others



Rest assured parents, you will get there. You will learn to enjoy playing with your children, if you put in the time. You will slowly start to settle into the silliness that is play and you will give it your own unique spin. In the meanwhile, it's okay to feel a little lost. You're re-learning a skill that you haven't used in a long time. 

If you want more information, one of the founders of DIR/Floortime, Serena Wieder, has an excellent powerpoint presentation on play that can be found at the following link:  https://profectum.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/PLAY-HANDOUT.pdf



"We believe play is the vehicle for emotions and thinking together! Play reveals what children feel and think and is a window into into the child’s inner experience and self"- Dr. Serena Wieder, Ph.D. 

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